FAT PEOPLE DON'T GO
TO HEAVEN

When I was four my grandmother yelled at me for taking tastycakes from the cupboard before diner. This is how I remember the conversation going:

GRAND MOTHER

Put those cakes down, it's almost dinner time, dear.

BABY KEV

Gram, what the Christ, I just want a fuckin Kandycake over here.

GRAND MOTHER

If you eat before diner you'll get fat.

BABY KEV
(sulking)

So the shit what?

GRANDMOTHER
(with a caring tone)

If you get fat you won't be able to go to heaven.

BABY KEV
(becoming intrigued)

Really, wait...why???

GRANDMOTHER

Because, Kevin, heaven is like a party, and you only want nice attractive people at your party, right, sweetie. If you are at a party with a bunch of fat people, is it really heaven? (Smiles tenderly) Of course it's not.

BABY KEV

Oh, right on, that makes sense.

My grandmother died at the age of 76--she was very thin.

When you look at the portrail of woman and (to a lesser extent) men in the media today I can see that my grandmother really knew what she was talking about. The ideal image of a female body is so warped that 100 pound women no longer have a place amongst those who could be called "thin." Women today spend all there time and energy combating "love handles" "canckles" and the dreaded "fupa." The chubby girl is definitely amongst the sorry ranks of those who Krzysztof Wodiczko would label the "strangers."

Look at Raphael's portrait of the Virgin Mary, depicted on the left. Such a painting would typify female beauty in the 15th Century.
Compare her now with the contemporary image of womanly beauty displayed on the right. There is no question which of these women would be featured in Playboy or Maxim. The Virgin Mary, had she been put on this Earth today would endure countless reproaches regarding the plumpness of her featurs, at the sorority house the sisters would cover her sacred body with the black lines of markers indicating the fatty regions of her body.

To pull these obese citizens out of their chocolate covered, often times peanutbutter filled, hell, I propose a fashion line designed to excentuate the many aspects of a plump physique. I call it Full Figure Fashion"--I'll work on the title. Shirts with the entire belly cut out to exhibit the beauty of that fleshy sack that is so often tucked away beneath baggy sweatshirts and moo moos would be available for the over-weight. Studs for piercing the saggy underchin fat will also be among the height of FFF. I thought that a line of nuget-scented purfume might also be a good way to celebrate the tastes and desires of the over-weight.

The point is that people who don't fit the current body image need to stop accepting what the media defines as beautiful and make a stand. Stick behind your body. Make it fashionable to be fat. Being that I'm skinny I may not be the guy to design your clothes, so design your own, just don't design your line of clothing to hide your body, design it to display your body with pride.